How i live now: two years later.....

Two years ago, I began this blog with the goal of becoming a writer. I carried with me the incredibly heavy burden of my past:
I ...
1. Had 30 something years of experience on this planet
2. Had tried and failed to launch a writing career at least twice
3. Had tried and failed as a teacher for most of my 10 year career
4. Had depression


"So here we go again. Third verse same as the first.
All my life I’ve wanted to be a writer......

......The moral of the story? Stick with it!

This is my third try. We'll see how far I get.

Goals:
1. Write everyday ( in this blog or elsewhere).
2. Develop the practice of revising and sticking WITH a story. (I have plenty of beginnings. I just need to finish something.)
3. Write what I know ( reflect on writing, teaching, coffee shops, video games, being Jewish, New York City, Zen Buddhism, chess, substitute teaching, basketball, living with my girlfriend, family, etc.) "


Two years later and a lot has changed. I have done battle with fear, and depression, and depression again.
I've gained a wife in the process. I've learned a little bit about myself in the process. And I have some new goals.

What has changed?
1. I've learned to make better peace with my depression.
I am not longer taking anti-depressants ( which I did from 1996-2008). I've learned to deal with my depression through a mixture of mindfulness, talk-therapy, physical exercise, and attention to diet and sleep. My light lamp helps too, I think. My two biggest guns have been exercise and mindfulness. Strenous exercise twice a week keeps me grounded. Mindfulness helps me deal with the Black Dogs when they come to visit.

2. I've learned to be more comfortable with fear. I had fear and loathing for the prospect of being a substitute teacher after 10 years in the classroom. I have come to like it. It gives me time to reflect on my own practice and the kind of educational institution I'd like to be a part of. In short, I'd like to be a part of a learning environment where students can be as self-sufficient as possible. I think most educational institutions put more emphasis on crowd control and quantification of learning than actual growth. The truth is that the ideal student learns to teach himself and never stops learning. I feel like most of the rituals we have in organized education are obstacles to that truth. At first glance, it looks like the Montessori might come a lot closer to the mark. We'll see. I hope to get my training in order to find out.

3.My life as a substitute has also given me more FREE TIME.
This has been a blessing and a curse. In general, in life, I have found that I require "adult supervision". I find that if I don't have a structure to fit myself into, that is social, I tend to falter. For example, if I'm on a basketball team, I'll work my butt off trying to compete. If it's a jogging habit, mostly I won't show up. If it's a jogging GROUP or aerobics CLASS then I'll show up because I know other people will be there. In short, I'll do for others what I won't do for myself. It's not the way I'd like things to be, but it's the truth, so ok.

So after struggling with finding ways to manage my free time, and lack of structure in my life I've come up with the following system that works:
1. I exercise on a team, twice a week. Basketball and Soccer so I don't get bored.
2. I belong to a writer's critique group and a writing class at the loft. Both give me a reason to keep writing and an audience to share it with.
3. I tutor my nephew in writing on Sundays. He reminds me who I'm writing for and that focus as a writer can be hard. Also, he;s fun to hang out with.
4. Other stuff: I also play video games online once a week with friends, I'm taking a Spanish class, and I've got a gorgeous, hilarious, kind loving wife who makes it all worthwhile.

I don't have a lot of money right now. In fact, it's probably the poorest I've ever been.
But I do have a writing habit and for the first time ever...

I have a manuscript!

I'm looking forward to submitting it soon and seeing how the rest of the journey goes.
And besides, it's a pretty good life. I'm finding ways to have fun on a regular basis, and, in general, I'm doing what I love and loving what I do.

Success!

P.S. I read my manuscript, which I've been working on for two years now, to third graders for the first time. They loved it!