The Sacred Path of the Warrior Revealed: Fear, Failure, and Ultimately, Success in the life of an elementary school teacher and writer

The Sacred Path of the Warrior Revealed: Fear, Failure, and Ultimately, Success in the life of an elementary school teacher and writer

I've been reading Chogyam's Trungpa's "The Sacred Path of the Warrior." Just about every chapter talks about confronting fear. I remember reading "Conversations with God" almost a decade ago. The author, or rather "god" talks about how there really are only two main emotional states: Love and Fear. All other emotions derive from one of these. If we allow ourselves to be dominated by fear then we open ourselves up to the full Pandora's Box: Fear leads to anger, hate, sadness, sorrow, aggression, violence.

I have a big job interview on Monday for a classroom teaching job that I really want/need. In order to prepare for the interview I am finding it necessary to confront the failures I have had in the first 10 years of my teaching career. Basically, I have been unable to keep a job. My last three jobs have consisted of being hired and then not asked back after the first year. (Note: I have never been fired. In all three cases, my employer simply chose NOT to offer me a second 1 year contract.) So the big question for me is: how will this time be different? How can I change so i can keep a job, learn something, and move forward?

It's pretty uncomfortable to take a good look at one's failure's and at my fears surrounding that. But, as Trungpa says, we gain nothing from running from our fears. Only by staring straight at fear can we recognize it, move through it, to a point where we are beyond fear. This is what is meant by "fearlessness". It does not mean that we have "less" fear it means that we are beyond it.

I'm not sure if I'll ever get there. How can I know. But I'm going to let love and hope lead the way and give it my best shot.

In looking back at the first 10 years of my career as a teacher, a writer, a student, and a human these are my initial conclusions:

1. I have given up too easily. Dainen Katagiri Roshi (In "You Have to Say Something" and also quoted in Natalie Goldberg's "Writing Down the Bones") If you're going to do something, be resolute, be determined. Do not say, 'I think I'm going to move to L.A. become a screenwiter and be successful in Hollywood. If it gets too hard, I'll just move back home.' No, be determined. commit wholly to your course of action. If they knock you down, get back up. Every time they knock you down, get back up again until you reach your goal.

To Katagiri Roshi's advice, I would add my own two cents about making more calculated risks and not "quitting your day job" prematurey. We don't have to be samurai all the time. But I agree with the heart of his advice.

When things have gotten rough with teaching I have ran away, I have given up in a hundred little different ways. I have resigned because I thought I would be fired. I have slacked off because I thought the system I was working for was morally corrupt. I have also been disorganized and allowed myself to be carried away by novel ideas.

2. I have also been far too ready to rock the boat. When a school that I worked for did not teach Social Studies AT ALL, I have been to ready to condemn the whole system because of their sin. When school administrations seem far too concerned with bureacracy, proper procedure, tradition, standardized testing and less concerned with the actual needs of students, I have been far too ready to condemn the whole damn system.

The (public) school system is messed up. Institutionalized education has some serious flaws. But it's the only system I've got ( at least until i try my hand at being a Montessori educator). If I want to spend my days helping children to become great students and learners, I've got to take the bad with the good. That means having the courage to keep my mouth shut, and fit in long enough to change the system.

That's going to be really hard for me. Because deep down, I think I'm right. I think I know better than a lot of my fellow teachers and the administrators. But even if I am right, it makes no difference unless I can convince others. Real change always comes as the result of a collective will and seldom from the solitary efforts of one person acting alone.

3. So my next task: what is the dominant culture of H ( the school I'm applying to)?
What are their values and priorities?
How will I fit in?

Job 1: fit in and survive the first year.
Job 2: After my first year is done, sit back and reevaluate how I can do a better job.

I guess I get to learn about compromise.
Not one of my strengths.
But i guess it's time to "win some or learn some"
(--quote from Jason Miraz's song, "Lucky."