Waiting, the doctor

It's like waiting for a plane to arrive,
like being pregnant.
So says my dream, my doctor.

I'm doing battle with my past, night after night, through the language of dreams.

Tonight I'm boarding a plane to Japan.
Traveling a million miles in person, just to deliver a form, to have a 10 second phone call, and to possibly receive the cure.

The answer is always the same--in my dream, in my life, these days--WE'LL SEE.
Wait and See.

I keep waiting for some possible happy future to arrive:
Going to live in and teach in Germany
Getting a public school teaching job that I like
Getting a private school teaching job that I like
Enrolling in a bright clean future with Montessori
Publishing a book ( or even finishing a manuscript)

I'm doing battle with the past,
treading water in the present,
waiting on some possbile future to be born that I like.

No wonder I'm tired at 5am.