Kiss Your Brain

Kiss your brain. That's what I learned in Kindergarten yesterday. Before I describe my day, you need to understand that I am TERRIFIED of Kindergartners. Individually, they're adorable, but I see a pack of 15 - 20 and I start thinking of that part of Gulliver's Travels where the little people tie him up. Teaching Kindergarten is like herding sheep. Easily distracted hyper active sheep.

Anyway, I only accepted the jopb because the teacher's recording labeled the job as "first grade." In my life I've learned quiete a lot from Happy Accidents, so I decided to keep the gig.

I had been to the school before, as an after-school teacher. It was chaos. A poorly run system with little communication and kids used to complaining about everything. Think I'm exaggerating? I was teaching a class in claymation movie making! What kid complains about working with clay and playing on the computer?? But I digress.

So I was not surprised when the teacher had not left plans.
It didn't add up tho'. The classroom was highly organized. So was the teacher. I can tell within a moment of looking at someone's desktop. Look at my teacher's desk and you peer into a portal into chaos. An organized teacher? Mostly clear desktop. All edges of papers and books level and straight.....

Anyway, I later found out that there were no plans because the teacher was coming in to drop them off. Her own chld was sick at the last minute. I had beaten her there.

For those who have forgotten, this is what a typical kindergartener's day looks like:

8:50 Drop off your folder, eat breakfast if you need to. Check in with all yer homies.
9:00 Practice your letters, circle the picture that looks wrong. Draw the letters of your name as big as you can. Cover most of the page.
9:20 Calendar time. Practice counting, colors and learn your word of the day: I
I sit
I dance
I dig
I play
ipod
9:30 Go to Music and PE
10:30 Listen to a story about a crazy hat peddler and his 12 gazillion hats.
The monkeys steal his hats. The man shakes his hand at the monkeys. The monkeys shake their fists back at him.

Monkey See. Monkey Do.

Much of your day is like this.

* * *

Zen of Sub-Fu Lesson #1 Use the tools that you have, right now, from where you are.

There were two other adults in the room. One was a SPED para, the other a regular full day paraprofessional. The latter was completing her licensure and student teaching in the same room in the Spring. She certainly knew the routines better than I did, so I let her lead as much as possible. Especially highly specialized tasks like the calendar.

The thing about kindergarteners is that if you do something DIFFERENT than their regular teacher, they notice. It's a big deal. And yet, just try to get a kindergartner to explain anything to you. Try it once. It's fun. My favorite game is asking, "any questions?" Generally the reply is "I...uh...I have a dog" or " My cousin's getting married!" or ( sadly) " My dad takes drugs."
We have no filter when we're five. And the WHOLE WORLD is a question. So when a teacher asks you if you have any questions, its usually best to just tell them whatever you have figured out so far. The color of the sky. The sophisticated relationships between adult units in your culturally specific kinship group. Whatever's on your mind at the moment.

Moments.

Another great thing about being 5 is the lack of memory. Guilt is NOT a problem. You can punch your best friend in the face and minutes later play soldier men guns or light saber. The past is a distant country. All that matters is now.

Oh, and Kiss Your Brain.
I don't know who I learned this from, probably the main para, but after I heard it once I used it with the kids as many times as I could. When you do a good job, give yourself a pat on the back, give yourself a hug, and "kiss your brain."

Step 1. Kiss your hand
Step 2. Gently tap your kiss onto your brain.
Step 3. Inwardly cherish your innate and angelic smartness.

Repeat as necessary.